So I’ve been getting generic comment spams on Speed Force today, the kind that look like someone took a bunch of compliments and a thesaurus and stuck them in a salad shooter.  I started reading.  I started reading this one aloud:

Thank you a lot for providing individuals with remarkably pleasant chance to discover important secrets from this web site. It is often very awesome and full of a lot of fun for me personally and my office co-workers to search the blog at a minimum 3 times in one week to find out the newest items you have got. And lastly, I am just certainly motivated concerning the splendid principles served by you. Some 1 ideas on this page are ultimately the simplest I’ve ever had.

I got about halfway through, and Katie stopped me, saying, “What, you got a comment from Faz?”

A series of spam subjects in my junk folder, sorted alphabetically. I can’t help but read them as someone repeatedly trying to get my attention, getting more frantic and frustrated as time goes by.

how are you doing?

how are you getting on?

How Are You Getting Along?

How are you,

HOW ARE YOU.

How Do You Do.

how are you getting along?

HOW DO YOU DO ,

Seriously? Bacon flavoring syrup?

A bottle of bacon flavored syrup by Torani.

Seriously? Bacon flavoring syrup?

While I was looking for cinnamon, someone else spotted it and said, “Bacon? You might as well have beef!” (He was looking for peppermint.)

Would you buy this? What would you make with it? A bacon latte? A bacon margarita?

You’ve probably seen it: comments that say something entirely vague and either flattering or condescending, that could apply to just about any article. And then they link to an “escort” site, or a pill seller…or some small-town insurance office in the middle of nowhere who hired a black hat “SEO expert” who promised he’d get them backlinks and doesn’t care about the site’s reputation.

I got a great one last week: Somehow instead of getting one randomly-chosen message from a set, I got all of them in one comment: Continue reading