When in Washington DC I Learned...

Compiled by John Harris, Kelson Vibber, and Robert Zazueta in 1992 or 1993.

Not to touch anything metal, due to the tingling shock that has been known to kill small animals.

To ignore WALK/DONT WALK signs where applicable.

That, when in Ford's Theater, it is unwise to yell out "Duck!"

To schedule nothing before noon.

Don't trust the maids.

Rusty Plastic Sporks of Destruction rule!! (Submitted by Lee Francis)

That thermal underwear can be your friend.

That you can bury a body just about anywhere.

To read the Metro map very, very carefully.

That you can own a fine bronze replica of yourself and place it on public land for only $39.95!

That when the guards say "No pictures," they mean NO PICTURES!

Not to look suspicious while walking through the White House.

Where I don't want to be in a nuclear war, i.e. the Pentagon.

The difference between the Mall and Virginia (It all looks the same from the Metro, Mrs. Levine! We didn't know!)

That man can live on 4 hours of sleep, though only briefly.

To bring a sleeping bag and a cup-- cheap rent, free money.

To always choose plastic over metal.

That X-rays are not as harmful as they seem.

That Virginia punishes tall people.

That 9% sales tax, even with representation, is tyranny.

That a fife can be a dangerous weapon.

That a landing is, in reality, no more than a controlled crash.

That Carnation Breakfast Bars are the manna of the '90s.

Embarrassing little secrets about our advisers and fellow students, which are available for a limited time at a nominal fee.

To keep an eye on my stationery.

101 ways to answer the phone.

That, yes Santa Claus, there is a Virginia.

Several quick & easy ways to embarrass myself in front of an international diplomat.