5 thoughts on “I think they’re trying to tell us something

  1. Hmmph. Well, now I’ve Used Real Sugar and didn’t turn into a snake (darn); I’ve used fake sugar (yuk) and didn’t turn into a snake (darn); I’ve not used sugar at all and didn’t turn into a snake (darn). Obviously Dixie Crystals’ politics run much along the same lines as a great deal of other governmental candidates: if you’ve nothing to say, fill up space.

  2. The American Fake Sugar Growers Coalition has put out a press release attempting to clear up the misconceptions surrounding the use of their products versus those of their competitors. In a 3-year study, scientists concluded that using fake sugar will not prevent you from turning into a snake should you so desire (or should certain dark wizards so incant); however, using real sugar should be balanced with doing plenty of sit-ups. Additionally, the Coalition cautions that use of fake sugar may result in one’s becoming a peppermint candy, though this reaction occurred in only 12.7% of the participants in the study. The research suggests that those using real sugar in hopes of becoming snakes may benefit from hypnosis by mongoose, but this result is not conclusive and such actions may have negative health effects for those using COBRA health coverage.

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