The ingredients list for what my calendar calls SPICY GUACAMOLE DIP:

1/2 c mayonnaise
1 lg avocado, peeled and mashed
1 tomato, chopped
1/4 c minced onion
1/4 c green chiles, drained and chopped
1 T lemon juice
1/2 t salt

This reminds me of the Gallery of Regrettable Food recipe for Hot ‘n’ Spicy Tex-Mex Chicken, which involves removing an atom of chili powder from its lead casing and waving it carefully over the casserole. Then I recall with thank-God-it’s-over nostalgia the time I asked our waiter how spicy the dressing on the spinach salad with rare ahi tuna was, received the answer “just a little spicy,” and subsequently spent half an hour attempting to extinguish my taste buds. (This was made worse by the fact that I was on Weight Watchers pretty hardcore at the time and couldn’t make myself eat bread to get rid of the burn.) I guess there must be people who think Ortega canned chiles are spicy, but I’ve never met any. Still, it’s oddly comforting knowing somebody out there has a more tender tongue. Maybe I’m not such a hopeless white girl after all.