Someone walked into the restroom talking on a cell phone, explaining, "it’s going to sound really bad now, because I’m in the executive washroom."

Executive washroom?

Sure, if by "executive washroom" you mean first-floor lobby restroom that’s available to anyone who walks into the building.

I couldn’t tell whether he was joking, or trying to impress the person on the other end of the call.

One of the two soap dispensers in the bathroom at work has been broken for months. I think the building doesn’t fix it because it looks full. Over the past week or two, someone has started writing things like "Broken" or "Still Broken" (or, one day, "Kaput") on paper towels and leaving them underneath or draped over the dispenser. Someone decided that this makeshift "Out of Order" sign needed an addition:

Out of Order -- Forever