21^st Century Quotes

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Winter | Spring | Summer | Fall

Winter

I got the Francisco... which has no priceherder... Priceherder?: Kelson, 2-Jan-2001
“So the sauce is basically going to be —” “Shit!” “I hope not!”: Kelson & Katie, 4-Feb-2001
I'm going to put the lizard back in my hair and hope it stays there this time.: Katie, 23-Feb-2001
So the freeways are like a giant piece of candy corn.: Katie, 23-Feb-2001
“With one look, I can...” run over a Diet Coke can.: Kelson, 23-Feb-2001
Am I the designated “that”-er?: Katie, 24-Feb-2001
Okay, here's the situation: You're being fried. Do you want to wear socks or not?: Jason, 1-Mar-2001
Your HTML is chewy.: Katie, 1-Mar-2001
Never drive faster than your guardian waffle can fly.: Katie, 5-Mar-2001
I see a trash can in the clouds.: Katie, 6-Mar-2001
Somebody help me, or I'm going to have a Michael Jackson finger.: Jason, 8-Mar-2001
Is this the one where Gary was pregnant?: Jason, 8-Mar-2001
Swedish-Asian Autobot? (imitating Transformer noises) Bork bork bork! Lutefisk, transform!: Kelson and Katie, 10-Mar-2001
I can't believe it's not blubber.: Kelson, 10-Mar-2001
Mmm, chicken cookies.: Katie, 10-Mar-2001
Ignorance is Blitzkrieg?: Wayne, 11-Mar-2001
“Mmm, shredded tarp. Just the thing for breakfast.” “How about frosted shredded tarp?” “It's magically disgusting.”: Katie & Kelson, 12-Mar-2001
Termites^®. They're Just So Useful^TM.: Katie, 13-Mar-2001
The temple of bread?: Katie, 16-Mar-2001
None of those chaotic dishes!: Kelson, 16-Mar-2001
foreach ($results as $hit) { print $hit; }: Quote Search source code (by Kelson), 18-Mar-2001 - noticed humor value 22-Mar-2001
Ka: It's your prerogative to talk about puking. (Laughter) Ka: Did you just think of owls? (More laughter) (thump!) Ke: At least it was only the Kleenex box!: Katie & Kelson, 20-Mar-2001

Spring

“This is the kind of car you can stand up in and throw things at people.” “That's right, who wants to go first?” (pantomiming throwing somebody out the sunroof): Katie & Jason, 25-Mar-2001
“Moose is Potter.” “Elizabeth is Star Wars.”: Jason & Kelson, 25-Mar-2001
The Uncanny X-Monks (re: AD&D character generation): Kelson, 4-Apr-2001
It's an anthropomorphic purple crayon.: Kelson, 7-Apr-2001
'Course, do orcs get married, or do they just randomly f**k?: Katie, 12-Apr-2001
It's involuntary chocolate.: Kelson, 12-Apr-2001
It's like shaving my hand...: Kelson, 20-Apr-2001
Soap Scum! Woo hoo!: Kelson, 22-Apr-2001
You know what? I can probably eat my shuttle with a spoon.: Katie, 24-Apr-2001
At least I got “nothing” right.: Kelson, 25-Apr-2001
I believe I scared my shoelaces.: Wayne, 27-May-2001
Cause if it was moving you could make it into a Pop-Tart or something.: A.B., 30-May-2001
“I don't accept charity.” “Well screw you too! ... that was, of course, Charity speaking.” “To Chastity?”: Wayne, Katie, & Kelson, ~7:35pm 6-Jun-2001
Diablo-ique.: Katie, 11:45pm 6-Jun-2001
Uh-oh, the bees are falling! The bees are falling!: K.M., 15-Jun-2001
Come on over here, Goth kids, we're giving away clove cigarettes and talking about ferrets!: Broon (performer at the Renaissance Faire), 17-Jun-2001
I'm completely incapacitated, and yet I'm still in control of you, you freak!: Broon (performer at the Renaissance Faire), 17-Jun-2001
“I just got shot in the head.” “That's great, sweetie.”: A.B., 18-Jun-2001
It's like a big bat orgy.: A.B., date lost
I wear a marinara deodorant!: A.B., date lost

Summer

“I charmed the ass . . . he's an ass, and I charmed him.” “What does that make you, a witch?” “No, she's an ass charmer.” “The ass whisperer.”: A.B., K.M., Katie, 27-Jun-2001
What are you doing, you crazy pantaloon-wearing hawk?: A.B., 27-Jun-2001
By which I do not mean the cat.: Katie, 8pm 27-Jun-2001
“Did you want top, or—” “I'd like to be on the bottom.”: Kelson and Jason, ~11:15am 7-Jul-2001
It's like playing Twister with a refrigerator.: Katie, 11:20am 7-Jul-2001
“It's like giving birth!” “Congratulations, it's a fridge!” “Breathe... breathe... push!”: Jason and Katie, 12:15pm 7-Jul-2001
I got a “Cherry,” a “Strawberry Lime,” and a “Bug Juice.” You want to get a “Happy” too?: Katie, 8-Jul-2001
I know God. And he can kick my ass at Dance Dance Revolution.: Justin (playing off a line by Daniel), ~7pm 19-Jul-2001
“We made it! ... Did you look at my bar?!” “Who's we, white boy?”: Justin & Daniel, ~6:45pm 26-Jul-2001
If I'm gonna suck, it's gonna be my own fault.: Daniel, ~7p 26-Jul-2001
Don't they have boys on this?: Justin, 7:01pm 26-Jul-2001
Do you want some dog feet for the baby to nibble on?: J.R., 20-Jul-2001
Well, it's just that — I got my wrist attached to my head now, and....: Katie, 8:54pm 1-Aug-2001
I'm not a blob, I'm a bird.: Sherry, 10:11pm 1-Aug-2001
However, you don't get Ultimate Spider-Man by adding a tomato.: Kelson, 17:44 7-Aug-2001
Ah, the eternal... thingy.: Katie, 10:22pm 8-Aug-2001
“There's no bettervere (better beer) in the land than ...” “Bedevere's brew!”: Jason & Kelson, 10:45pm 8-Aug-2001
And I was gonna show you guys something that was death on an easier level.: Daniel, ~6:20pm 9-Aug-2001
Compared to other places, these are pretty high-class poppers (paupers).: Wayne (about Arby's jalapeño poppers), 7:40pm 30-Aug-2001
It's the Potato Elemental!: Kelson, 7:50pm 30-Aug-2001
“Abso-frappin-lute-free.” “A lute-free Frappuccino.” “I ordered a Bud Lute!”: Kelson & Katie, 1-Sep-2001 1:40a
You mean I could start a land war in Asia?: Marisa, 1-Sep-2001
I appreciate the “real shit.”: Brian F, 1-Sep-2001
Rice with pervert . . . yeah, uh-huh.: Andrea, 20:50 5-Sep-2001
“Well how many times have we lost our innocence, anyway?” “America is the biggest revirginization country that —” (Kelson laughing and reaching for a piece of paper) “— are you writing that down? — that ever walked the earth!”: Kelson and Katie, 1:20am 17-Sep-2001

Fall

You can't take Occam's Razor on a plane anymore.: Kelson, ~10pm 24-Sep-2001
Now it's us at 1:00 but at least we don't have a honky alarm.: Katie, 12:54am 29-Sep-2001
“Oh, bloody... blood.” “Bloody blood?!” “And buttered onions.”: Kelson & Katie, 1:40am 10-Oct-2001
You can shove the pager in a drawer and no one's going to charge you with pager abuse.: Katie, 9:50pm 9-Oct-2001
“Diet Red.” “Sure, that's red.”: Kelson & Daniel, 21:54 12-Oct-2001
Diet Zest — fully clean.: Katie, 20:20 12-Oct-2001
Once you took your eyes off, he got scared of you.: Stacy, 21:20 4-Nov-2001
Shake shake shake, shake shake shake, shake your thorax. Till you're thore.: Justin, Wayne, 20:30 9-Nov-2001
To “Shake your Booty”
Wow, you're so-and-so! Can I shake your neck?: Justin, 21:07 9-Nov-2001
Hubba Hubba Zot Zone ...: Katie, 21:20 9-Nov-2001
I could find a place to pee /Then where would our story be?: Katie, 22:31 9-Nov-2001
singing
He was modulating his consonants. Isn't that illegal in 48 states?: Katie, Justin, 22:43 9-Nov-2001
Hoshi and the slug. It sounds like a band.: Katie, Justin, 22:58 9-Nov-2001
Your pants are not made of potassium fog.: Kelson, 00:19 13-Nov-2001
Quickly, Justin, transform into Immense Trojan Jesus!: Justin, 22:02 16-Nov-2001
Yeah, but then you turn around and stuff cookies down my gullet. Not that I remember complaining about that.: Jason, 21:37 17-Nov-2001
Do we have to watch the vomiting wand again?: Jason, 21:40 19-Nov-2001
At least if it was Farscape explicit sex, it'd still be on topic.: Lee ~21:30 22-Nov-2001
“What happen?” “Someone set us up the bunnies.”: Kelson, 23:25 23-Nov-2001
I've created a monster. No, you've just unleashed him.: Katie, Justin, 22:48 14-Dec-2001

Notes

Owls?

I don't remember how the conversation led up to this, but the reference to owls is from Gavin Edwards' When a Man Loves a Walnut and Even More Misheard Lyrics, which we'd just been flipping through the day before. Someone had misheard the Beach Boys' “Help Me, Rhonda.” The actual line:

Since she put me down, I been all through it in my head.

Someone misheard it as:

Since you put me down, there's been owls puking in my bed.

The quote is on page 90, accompanied by an illustration of a man opening the door to his bedroom to the sight of five owls, puking on his bed.

Nothing

This was about the interpretation of the quote that begins Katie's science-fantasy story, A Promise Kept.

21st Century Quotes